Julia Guglia: n. (GOO-lee-uh)

I’ve been thinking about what I can do to be more like Julie Powell from that new movie Julie and Julia. In case you’re not familiar with the premise, here’s a very brief plot summary. (Or watch the trailer I guess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjvJHsJD8ic)  Julie’s life is in a funk. She likes to cook. So she decides to cook all 500-something recipes in Julia Child’s cookbook in only one year. And she’s going to blog about it. Obviously in the long run it got her a book deal and a movie deal. The point of all this is I was thinking, what could I do to…not necessarily follow in her footsteps per se, but to maybe purposely parody her? 
I could watch all 45 Woody Allen films in one month without developing a complex. Too elitist? I could walk into various stores and document the behavior of employees as I act in a strange manner (i.e. Bath and Body Works: Take a sample bottle and begin lotioning all my exposed--and unexposed--skin). Too haphazard?  I could read a different blog about blogging every day and then blog about it. Too bloggy?

And that’s when it came to me! I could cook all the recipes in the Anarchist Cookbook in only one year!
However, this decision made me a little apprehensive. I needed to look up the Anarchist Cookbook because I only had a general idea of what was in it, but I didn’t want to have the FBI show up at my door in some sort of big misunderstanding, especially if one of my new housemates happens to be here illegally (I live with a family of Philipino immigrants). I could never live with myself if someone was deported because of me. The Visitor made me cry so hard. So for the sake of safety and this kind family’s well-being, I made sure to first type “cute puppies” into Google. Then after searching for the Anarchist Cookbook on Amazon.com, I searched for “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Marley and Me.” And then cute puppies again. You can’t be too careful.  Well, you can.  But I wouldn't constitute the amount of carefulness I designated to this particular internet search as being "too" much.

Fun fact: The original author of the Anarchist Cookbook now denounces his former irresponsible self for ever having written it.  He would prefer that it go out of print, but he does not own the rights.  Interesting!

And what a diverse book of recipes it is!  Everything from how to make bail in NYC, how to demolish suspension bridges, and a recipe for cacodyl (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cacodyl).  I didn't even know what that was before!  It sounds like something that would be found in nature.  Like katydids.  I'm going to write a children's book and call it "Katydids and Cacodyl."

Now, I am hardly a fan of explosions when they are on a movie screen (bleh, Michael Bay), let alone when they are in my specific vicinity so as to cause danger to myself and others.  I was particularly concerned when I read on one website:
Is the Anarchist Cookbook safe and accurate?
"No. According to people who know explosives, it contains many dangerous errors and formulas that are likely to hurt you. People strongly advise to stay away from it if you enjoy having your limbs."

Yeah.  For me, that's just a deal breaker.  I barely want to be a fully functioning Julie Powell.  Certainly an eyebrow-singed, felonious, nub-limbed version would not be better and in fact might be a lot worse.

So I guess I'm just not cut out to be like Julie at all.  But I should be setting my sights higher than that, shouldn't I?  If anyone, I should want to be like Julia Child.  I'm going to spend the next decade of my life writing a book that will hopefully become an American classic.  And then Meryl Streep will play me in the movie version of my life!

Maybe I'll just be myself.  (http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Yourself) ...I think I want to be like the guy in that picture!  He seems happy.  And I'm sure those people are laughing with him, not at him.

Why shouldn't I pimp myself out?

I recently made a decision to be more productive this year. That means actually trying and not simply sitting back and watching movies and tv and surfing the internet all the time. As a motivating factor, I've determined to start this blog and write in it consistently. Though I've had livejournal and myspace blogs in the past, I figured: New school year, new start, new blog. This is that blog and if you are reading it, I vow to keep you at least mildly entertained. I enjoy making jokes and basking in comments and attention (and if I'm made to be perfectly honest, these are the true reasons for this blog. To make myself laugh and hopefully a few other people as well). Not everything I say here is meant to be taken seriously. But some of it is. I expect my readers will be mature enough to discern the difference.

Perhaps someday I'll look back on this blog as a catalogue of my quest to fame. If that's the case, it would probably be best for me to start from the beginning. Of my fame, that is.

I got my first taste (an eye-dropper on the tip of my tongue) in the spring when I found an email I had written in the letter's section of Entertainment Weekly. That's a big magazine! I mean, Booksamillion tries to give away eight free issues to every customer. It actually is the only magazine I currently subscribe to. They interview people like Julia Roberts and Clive Owen and Jimmy Fallon (the last of whom had been the subject of my letter). In case you don't believe me, here is a scanned and edited version of the magazine cover and my published words.

Even though Jimmy's standup isn't exactly side-splitting, I dedicated myself for those first couple months to watching his show at least a couple times a week. He had made me famous and deserved my support. Perhaps he had even read my comment. Jimmy Fallon, star of SNL and Taxi and the new host of Late Night, reading words I had written! It was too much to fathom. Thankfully, this would not be the end-- the eye of the world would soon be watching some of my other talents. And it wouldn't even be a sex tape!

This summer, I starred in at least four videos! (There may be more that I'm forgetting or that I was unconscious during. Let's hope not. Otherwise I'll have to come back later and edit my sex tape comment above, so as to remain truthful.) The first video came about when my man-friend Joey_Vee told me we could win advance screening passes to Harry Potter 6. All we had to do was make a video for this website saying why we wanted to go. Seemed easy enough, especially if I could come up with something remotely creative. I knew most of the people would post videos exploiting their cute kids or showing off their pathetic paraphernalia. Joey suggested we each do our own video to up the chances of obtaining passes. So I solicited my lovely sister Rachel and we made this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKIFz_ijbf8

And ya know what? It won us a pass for two! And then Joey won some for his video and both of us won two more in other contests we had entered. In all 8 passes, so I got to take all of my siblings.

My next foray onto the webscreen came when Joey_Vee wanted to enter a contest for Christian Lander's (Stuff White People Like guy http://www.booksamillion.com/product/9780812979916?id=4511789737850) show on Current TV. It could only be 100 seconds long, so we were kind of stuck for time, but this is what came out. We actually used the bookstore we work at as our set. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYqYEnl5SCY Joey got a t-shirt out of it, so I feel like it was worth the effort. Plus it was the first video we had ever made together, which seems crazy considering our creative minds were obviously just dying to collaborate.

And now to the main event. All summer, Joey and I had been watching this show on Comedy Central called Tosh.0. It resembles the Soup slightly but uses web content and the host Daniel Tosh makes fun of video after video in front of a green screen, among other hilarious forms of entertainment. Most weeks, he would issue some kind of challenge. My manager and good friend Micah suggested we attempt one of those challenges: The popcorn challenge. Here is Daniel Tosh's original video for the popcorn challenge. http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/2009/08/06/popcorn-challenge/

First, Joey and I tried a video just the two of us. Unfortunately, it worked better in theory than reality, but you can still watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaOEIXvwKV0

Joey, Micah, and I got together on a Monday when we were all amazingly off work. It was fated. And we did some of the best popcorn tricks we could think of. They are two boys with some crazy ideas when they get together. Here is the edited version of our video, set to music. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHkk_m1NIjM

Amazing, right? And you would think that, if they used any of the clips, it would be my crazy-talented baseball bat one, right? Well, they did use us on the show! Twice! But they went with the close-up of me in the car. Really, who can blame them right? I kid. I felt kind of special being one of only two girls in Tosh.0's entire popcorn montage. If you want to watch it, here is the link. Some of the other clips are quite funny as well: http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/2009/08/13/viewer-popcorn-challenge-videos/

So I think that concludes my long list of summer fame attempts. I doubt most of my blogs will be as long as this. But it had to be done. My big goal for the next couple months is to get one of my video movie reviews on the Rotten Tomatoes Show. I submitted one for Inglourious Basterds (great flick!) this week, so if I do manage to get on the show, I will definitely post about it here. Ladies and Gentleman, I bid you a fond goodnight.